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Funny Golf Stories

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                                 Welcome to Golf Stories
We are here to bring you some of the funniest golf stories ever read. All stories are real life events that have happened on golf couerses,  clubhouses , and driving ranges all over the world.
Please feel free to put your funny golf stories , or even your golf jokes into the links below. Once we start to get a nice list of them, we will move them out into the main page, so that they will be read with ease. Thanks you for stopping in and we look forward to your input of funny golf stories. p.s. please bookmark this page and stop back to see our updated website.

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Hi, I will start this off by telling you about one of my funny golf stories. For a little background, I traveled around my state for 2 years  playing golf about 4 times a week. I saw some pretty crazy things on the different courses. The two guys that golfed with me were , well , much larger than myself, one was 6'8" tall the other was 6'4" tall and very large. We would often walk  the courses, but this time we couldnt. Now Tim and Jim decided to share a cart, that was funny to be behind them , and see these two huge guys in their cart. The course was very hilly,I could tell it was gonna be a crazy day, when I was behind them going up a pretty steep incline, and the front wheels of thier cart started to rise off the ground! .... Tim put on the brakes , the cart kept tipping back... and they started sliding towards me! .... I put the brake on my cart, they slid into me, lucky for us my cart stopped theirs, and all was good.We laughed about it for a few minutes, but , Jim decided he would finish the round in my cart. Not that it matters, but that was the last time those two rode in a cart together.




Below are a few stories that i have seen on the web, and thought they may spark your interest:

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man  who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?' No, I had to stop drinking years ago, 'the homeless man replied.

'Will you use it t o go fishing instead of buying food?' the man asked.' No, I don't waste time fishing, 'the homeless man said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?' the man asked.  'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless man. 'I haven't played golf in 20 years!'

'Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?' the man asked.' What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?' exclaimed the homeless man.

'Well, 'said the man, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.' The homeless man was astounded.' Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

The man replied, 'That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and women.'


Some young lady was taking her first golfing lesson.

'Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?' she asked her instructor.

'P-u-t-t is correct,' he replied. 'Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.'



One day a man, who had been stranded on a deserted  island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, “It's certainly not a ship.” And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.
Suddenly, there emerged from the surf a figure wearing a black wet suit.
The swimmer put aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit. There stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned man and said to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed man.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Wonderful!" said the man, "that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Scotch whisky?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve and unzipped a pocket. Then she removed a flask and handed it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'It is nectar!" exclaimed the man. "It is truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?”
With tears in his eyes, the man fell to his knees and sobbed, "Have mercy, woman! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there, too!"


These Are Gimmees

Peggy: You think so much of your old golf game. You probably don't even remember when we were married.
Lowell: Of course I do, my dear. It was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt.

What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!

A man and his friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies, "Yeah, it was the least I could do. We were married 35 years."

Golf is like taxes. You drive hard to make the green and then end up in the hole.

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. -Gardner Dickinson

The course of true golf never did run smooth. Henny Youngman (1906-1998) U.S. (English born) comedian

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing


A Hole in One

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning. He realized that it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny spring day and decided he just had to play golf.

So he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him. Then he headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

About this time, St. Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from heaven and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball. It shot straight toward the pin, dropped just short of it, and rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?!

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"